Sunday, May 22, 2005

That Silver Ring Sting


I visited the website.
I went to the concert.
They told me that condoms don't work.
I took the pledge.

Like 88% of my fellow pledge-takers, I broke that pledge.
Of course I didn't use a condom. Now I have that Silver Ring Sting* when I pee.

Not really. You see, at my highschool they didn't teach us that condoms don't work. If we asked about the proper way to use a condom, they were allowed to tell us. They told us that when condoms were used properly, they almost never fail (which is true). They didn't play up the "emotional devastation" that follows from premarital sex because they knew that we had friends that had already had sex and weren't devestated by it. They didn't base our health education on a book written by long dead jews. They didn't waste our tax dollars spreading this nonsense.

This bullshit is as useless as Dare at getting kids to not have sex. 88% fail. Which means 12% succeed. (See, I rock at math) Heck, 12% probably couldn't get laid if they chose to.

And, those that do "succeed" are more likely than the rest of us to keep their "virginity" by employing the Italian Solution (which, for those of you not Italian is anal sex). Even if this nonsense wasn't a violation of the establishment clause, it is a public health disaster.

Remember, 88% break the pledge. That's 88% having sex. 88% who have never been taught how or why to use a condom.

Those that stay with the program? They are more likely to be married young and to have kids early in a young marriage. If that isn't a recipe for lots of future custody battles, I don't know what is. As these kids realize getting married at 19 isn't such a good idea. They will have lots of nice kids to divy up.

Thanks Christian Right. Yet again with the smart policy decisions based on that special book you claim God wrote but that you never actually read all the way through. (I mean really. If I thought that God himself had actually written a book, I would have read it. Honestly. If I thought Stephen King was God, I wouldn't have stopped reading The Dark Tower after book two.)

*As far as Google can tell me, I have coined the term "Silver Ring Sting." Feel free to use it, just give F-ing Glad a shout out when you do. And if you get it, don't blame me. And see a doctor and get rid of it. If you can.


At 6:49 PM, Anonymous Tony T. Landlord said...

How dare you sir! (I am a veteran.) I finally find a teen abstinence program that offers a high-tech presentation style incorporating music, laser lights, humor, and solid Gospel presentation. Then, you have to ruin it with your sarcasm and facts! Now how will I keep teenagers from hitting on me? (They do. Oh, they do.)


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