Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Me and John

OK, I confess. Not only do I post occasionally here, and not only do I make snarky comments on other people's blogs, I also send snarky emails to various Fox News personalities. Yes, I am that pathetic. My favorite one-way friend is John Gibson. (Though I seem to remember one of my better missives being sent to O'Reilly in which I apologized to the poor underling that had to read it and commiserated with them about what a cheap bastard their boss must be, what with the 25% discount on Factor Gearâ„¢ they likely get as a Christmas bonus every year.

Of course, in the dozen or so messages I have sent to these clowns, I have only gotten two responses. One from Mike Straka (the Grrrrr guy) and one from my boy John. And I truly love John Gibson. He really doesn't get the attention of a Hannity or O'Reilly, but he is easily worthy. He is just as nutty. Anyway, his big obsession is The War on Christmas and he doesn't disappoint.

So here's what I recently wrote to my friend John:
(slightly edited for clarity)

To: waronchristmas@johngibson.com
From: seattleslough@gmail.com
Subject: Why a war?

John John John. . .

Someone has obviously been hitting the egg nogg early.

First you claim that Christians are 84% of the Country*. Then you talk about the "less than ten percent of this country that is not Christian." Huh? Percentages are based on the number 100 last I checked. 100 - 84 = 16 which is greater than "less than ten."

But that is just a dumb mistake. The really ridiculous thing you do is to basically fail to point out the difference between private and public displays. Christians are allowed to celebrate Christmas, Easter, Lent, Ash Wednesday and whatever other important religious holidays they think are significant in whatever way they want. Just like Jews, and Muslims, and whoever the hell celebrates Kwanzaa. It is when you somehow require the acquiescence of public institutions that problems arise.

Why are Christians so uniquely fragile that they need the State's recognition? We don't live in a country that recognizes Ramadan. Yet Muslims are thriving here. We don't live in a Kosher country, yet Jewish families are happy as the clams they can't eat. So why do Christians need more? What makes Christianity so much less able to sustain itself on its own? Why do Christian parents, for instance, need their children to pray during school? Isn't prayer twice daily at home enough? Why do Christian parents need to have a society that supports their beliefs? Can't they, like any Hindu family, do it as a family, and not lean on the government to help with the brainwashing?

What gives? Isn't the fact that Christmas displays are already in every department store, mall, restaurant, private club, private school, and 84% of the nation's living rooms and front yards enough for you? Do you really need to add courthouses and city hall? What does that say about you and your security in your own beliefs?

Don't get me wrong. I love the secular Christmas holiday. I decorate a tree every year. But I can't see how, for the life of me, having public institutions making similar displays helps me at all. Get over it dude. There are real problems in this country. This ain't one of them.

How many pieces are you going to waste on this non-story? It is two so far and we aren't even past Halloween. I know you have a book to shill, but who do you think you are, Bill O'Reilly?

Seattle Slough
Seattle, WA

* I disagree here. The City University of New York's ARIS study, conducted in 2001, has Christians at about 76% of the population and they called over 50,000 Americans. Plus you'd have to concede that lots of people would claim to be Christians but are only saying so because of social pressure. As they say, there is an Atheist in every choir.

Plus, many Christians don't like or celebrate Christmas. Mostly because there is nothing Christian about it. The colors red and green, the symbol of the stag, the hanging of mistletoe, the burning of a decorated log, the jolly fat man - all come from the Pagan ritual of Yule, which was celebrated at the winter solstice long before the Romans brought Christianity to Northern Europe. Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December. No one knows the date he was born. (Heck, no one knows the date he died, and people at least knew who he was then)

I will let you all know if I get a response. And I will surely post it here, no matter how thoroughly this renown and published Christmas Expert refutes my logic. Not saying he will. But just in case.


At 7:28 PM, Blogger Michael said...

See, that's just far too fun for words!

At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As usual the fact that this nation was founded on Christian prinicipals seems to leave people in a funk. Changing things so harmless are people hell bent on stirring up conterversary for disliking on group or another. If you want a holiday to fit everyone then make a new holiday called Holiday break or Holiday Spirit or whatever doesn't start with Christ. Put it in the stores and everywhere who cares. Just leave Christmas lone and start your own holiday in December. Have a "we hate Christians Day" who cares, pick a day. Just leave the one that has made millions happy for years alone. You want to pick on something, there's a lot of things that harm people in serious ways. Find a better way to use your time and effort that helps people. People are starving use your mouth for that.

Debbie Scrutchfield
Tulsa, Oklahoma

At 10:00 AM, Blogger Seattle Slough said...

Thank you for your input Debbie!

How about I meet you halfway and you Christians can also start your own holiday. Christmas was stolen from the pagans you know. There is nothing in the bible about christmas. No one knows the date Jesus was born. Heck, they don't even know the date he died. (Easter is an estimation based on a sunday after the first full moon following the equinox, hardly an exact date and people knew who the guy was when he died)

The pagans were already celebrating the yule-time holiday with a feast, an exchange of gifts, the colors red and green, the symbol of the stag, mistletoe, a decorated tree and log, and an immortal fat man with an army of elves. Absolutely nothing Christian about it. Roman missionaries to bavaria figured that the northern europeans needed their solstice holiday (it does get dark, and cold in late december up north) so merely co-opted the holiday rather than make them give it up.

How about you stick with the real holidays your religion was founded on, like Chanukah, and Yom Kippur. (Yes, you are all just a popular sect of judaism).

Frankly, I don't care either way. There is no war on Christmas. I am not attacking it. As for someone wasting their words, talk to John Gibson. He has a national platform and wastes literally half of it on this non-issue. Nobody reads my blog.

As for our nation being founded on Christian Principals. Hardly. We were founded by people fleeing the christian (both catholic and protestant) theocracies in Europe. Christianity did not invent laws, or rules, or morality. At all. Of the four commandments we still take seriously, all were already crimes in just about every culture in the world. Our nation came out of the Age of Enlightenment. The Age of Reason. Where the shackles of the dark ages (organized religion) finally took a back seat to study, and science.

Get over yourselves. If stores don't want to alienate Jews, Muslims, Buddists, Atheists, and others, why should they? Why cater to you? Why do you need your phony religious holiday expressly mentioned everywhere? What the heck is wrong with you?


At 10:03 PM, Anonymous shingles said...

Just leave Christmas lone and start your own holiday in December.

Yeah, just leave it "lone", Seattle. Obviously, literacy is not their strong suit.

Find a better way to use your time and effort that helps people.

And these fake Christians could lead the way by not wasting their time on this fake "War on Christmas" issue and, I don't know, maybe doing constructive like helping out the poor and needy or something.

At 10:05 PM, Anonymous shingles said...

...that would be doing something constructive...

At 9:07 PM, Blogger JASmius said...

{OK, I confess. Not only do I post occasionally here, and not only do I make snarky comments on other people's blogs, I also send snarky emails to various Fox News personalities. Yes, I am that pathetic.}

Maybe if you spent as much time posting here as you do leaving snarky comments elsewhere, your readers could see just how distinguishing that characteristic really is.


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